Healing Is A Lifelong Commitment
Written by Maud Alcorn for the “Where Freedom Resides” Campaign
Healing is a lifelong commitment. I know that many of us have fantasies of overcoming what has broken us, then never being broken again. We dream of being ‘fully’ healed, happy, and healthy people. Of being in a space where we no longer hurt, aren’t triggered, & of course, reach a place where we can be in fulfilling and easeful romantic relationships. Healing is always talked about in a way like there is a before and after to it, and life can only start on the latter, but healing is a daily practice we must partake in with ourselves.
Do you feel you are undeserving of love until you work through all of your issues? Do you think you are bringing less to yourself by trying to date? I’ve felt all of these, plus overwhelming amounts of shame for being a person who could not move through rough patches in my life. MY therapist told me something a few years ago that turned me on my axis; “When will you decide you are worthy of love, regardless of what you are not?” I thought that once I got past all of my traumas, lost weight, grew my hair out, etc., I’d magically unlock a door to the love and care I deeply desired. That once I no longer hurt or ached, then I could have whatever I desired.
I am no expert on love, healing, or honestly, anything, but I have lived a few lives wrapped inside of this one, and what I learned a long time ago is that we will never be fully healed, because we will never be fully anything. We are forever changing, evolving, growing, falling, picking ourselves back up, and repeating it always. Perfection has never been the end goal in any aspect of life, so neither should us being ‘healed’. Yes, you have to know where you are to understand where you are ready and willing to go. When I felt my lowest, I craved relationships the most, because I wanted someone to come save me from myself. To be a band aid to a gunshot wound, so I didn’t have to muck through true healing by myself. I’m thankful that I realized this and didn’t pull somebody else into my darkness, and instead sat in it until I would walk out of it.
Today, I'm still healing, and although it isn’t as dark, as painful or lonely, it still is a daily process. A daily choice I make of myself. Today, I am loved, cared for, and nurtured outside of myself. I’ve been in happy and healthy relationships. I’ve been loved wholly and all the way through. I didn’t have to wait until I got to some pseudo completely healed space. I did have to understand how I want and need to be loved. I had to set boundaries with my partners, and within myself, and mostly, I had to accept that there was a huge chance I may endure more harm in these relationships.
Harm is inevitable in any type of relationship. Some of it will be minor, and some of it will alter us, but harm will occur if you choose to have relationships with other people. This doesn't mean that we should not work to reduce harm to each other, or that we experience ourselves, it just deeper affirms that we can not get to a place of being completely healed, if we are constantly enduring new harm. We move through and learn to get to a place that feels good and right. We learn what is too much, and what we can’t work through alone, and wwe learn how to keep our healing at the forefront.
Just because we will not get to the point of ultimate and complete healing, doesn’t mean we aren’t making progress. It doesn’t mean we have not overcome or fought our way out of things. It in no way takes away from the growth we’ve accomplished, and you are still worthy and deserving of all your wants and desires. Wherever you are in your own healing, you can choose to open yourself up for new relationships, love, & companionship. There is no ‘right’ time, only a right time for you. All you have to ask yourself is “When will you decide you are worthy of love, regardless of what you are not?”